


Too Close For Comfort

by And_13_Orders_Of_Fries



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Ageplay, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-14
Updated: 2014-04-23
Packaged: 2017-11-25 13:25:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/639347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/And_13_Orders_Of_Fries/pseuds/And_13_Orders_Of_Fries
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I posted this to FF.net almost a year ago and it had a pretty decent following. Just an exploration of characters really. Spencer's way of coping with the cases and his genius. <br/>*Little Spencer*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

* * *

So this was beta'd by The-Vampire-Act on ff.net

Now I have no beta, if someone decides they like this fic and would like to drop me a line the comments section...

Hobey-Ho

Lets Go

* * *

"You do know that it wasn't your fault." The voice sounded distant even though its owner was sitting in the leather seat adjacent to his.

"Wasn't it?" Dr. Spencer Reid wasn't usually this melodramatic, but given the current situation, he felt it was justified. _Not justified_ , he thought slowly, mentally correcting himself, _but it wasn't unreasonable._

If only he had been smarter….Spencer winced at the thought; his intelligence was what had messed them up, not the lack of intelligence. He had read over their partial profile, and in a rare case of overestimation, he had completely misjudged their UnSub. The team had been working on the case for four days; they were all more than frazzled, so when Spencer had made the suggestion they all just assumed he was right. They had trusted him.

Needless to say, he had been horribly wrong. Because of him they wasted an entire day and even had caused of the local officers to get shot. He remembered with a wry smile that he wasn't supposed know that. The cop had been fine, but he wouldn't be walking on his own for a while. Luckily, the UnSub finally screwed up and they were able to bring him in. Thankfully, there hadn't been anymore victims.

"It was an honest mistake." Gideon's usual 'matter of fact' tone did little to ease his irritation, and when Jason placed what he was sure he felt was a comforting hand on his shoulder, Spencer felt like screaming. His jaw tensed reflexively, and the older man let his hand fall back into his lap.

_If Morgan had caused a problem like that..._ Reid thought idly, closing his eyes and leaning back against the plane's cream-colored headrest. The cool leather did wonders for his headache, and he was finally able to let his thoughts wander. It wasn't that the team had blamed him, but just the opposite. They had all claimed the fault- even Hotch.

Eventually, the team all agreed that they were tired and shouldn't had accepted his observations without reasonable cause and…. Well, he should have known better.

XxXxXxX

Jason was worried. He had been working with the FBI for over 12 years now, and he knew by now what happened when you took cases too personally. The key to excelling at the job was to care during the case and leave it on your desk at the end of the day. His brilliant Spencer, his protégé, was suffering because no one had ever taught him that even geniuses could make mistakes.

It really hadn't been that bad. Jason had told him to try to find the UnSub's primary location using his killing zone. Spencer had followed precedent right up until the end. He had been in the middle of spouting information at the team- something to do with a cold case from back in the fifties- when he had stopped in the middle of his sentence and started writing on the legal pad located on the wooden table in front of him. He wrote for a solid minute before walking over to projection board toward where their map was currently being displayed. He made a few quick adjustments and started circling things and connecting dots. The team had watched in mild amusement-they had seen this many times before. They didn't bother asking for any explanation since they knew one would be provided as soon he was finished. Sure enough, after a few moments of intense scribbling, Reid turned around with triumphant smile. The long-awaited explanation soon followed even though no one was completely sure they understood it.

They had gone with it though, and the next morning they released the police force a very inaccurate profile. Morgan and Elle had watched a vacant house for a full six hours before Hotch called them back. They went back to the profile and took Reid's unintelligible scrawls down. Jason spent the next hour reworking the profile to get the proper location, and he had just finished when the sheriff came in to inform him that the man had been caught and that they could go back home. The sheriff, Ronie Patterson, wasn't a pleasant man to deal with when things in his small town weren't fine, and trying to get any information from him was usually like trying to get blood from a stone. However, that afternoon, he had been positively chatty, reminding the team every few seconds that they had barely been more than an inconvenience to the force and that if that last girl's body hadn't been over the Nevada border they wouldn't have been there at all.

Reid had been silent the whole time, his only reaction being a small wince every time the inaccuracy of the first profile was brought up. After a while he had just ducked his head low enough to keep his hair in his hazel eyes and kept going, helping pack the case files into their corresponding boxes and then silently disappearing back into his hotel room to repack his stuff. Jason had been busy gathering as many pertinent details as possible, and he had eventually found out about one of the deputy's getting shot. He had asked if that information could be kept from the young agent, and the request had been met with a surprising understanding. Luckily, they had been able to spare him that much more guilt.

He knew Spencer was an adult. Intellectually speaking, he had probably been an adult since he was about seven years old or possibly even younger. His mother had checked out before he had hit nine, and Gideon knew after that he had mostly raised himself. Knowing these facts didn't stop Gideon from feeling the ever pressing need to take care of his subordinate. If anything, knowing them had increased it. It made him want to protect him from the few things he didn't know about- the things you only learned from painful experience.

XxXxXxX

Spencer woke with a start; his heart was pounding and his palms were sweaty. His nightmare still clung onto the edge of his thoughts. He shook his head in attempt to irrationally dislodge the images from his head. Checking his watch, he saw that he had only been sleeping for about an hour. It was a six-hour flight and everyone else was either still asleep or reading. Gideon was still sitting beside him, a book with its pages laying down on his chest with his eyes closed. He thought back over his now fuzzy dream. They had been on another case, and he had made a mistake and somehow managed to kill everyone- except Gideon. But when he had tried to talk the older man, he had just started screaming at him, saying it was his fault and that he was never right.

Rubbing his hand over his face, Spencer told himself that his dream was ridiculous at best and impossible at its worst. He started when he heard the unmistakable whispering sound of a page being turned beside him.

"I thought you were asleep." The words burst out before he could stop them, and he realized that they sounded more like an accusation than a question. "Sorry."

Jason carefully marked his page before turning to face Spencer. "It's okay. I was thinking, not sleeping."

Spencer nodded silently. He turned to stare out of the window for a few seconds before he spoke again.

"I _know_ that I just made a mistake and that logically no one person can ever be fully be responsible for a situation, but-"

"But you still feel responsible."

"Yeah." He turned to face his mentor, blinking back unshed tears. " I just wanted to know if it ever ... " He trailed off despondently, rubbing at his eyes tiredly, "Never mind."

"Spencer," Gideon waited until he had turned back to look at him. "It does get better."

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

Two Chaps in one day!!! Seriously don't expect this ever again... its a miracle

* * *

Spencer spent the next few days in something similar to a daze. He went to work, gave a minimal input, drank his coffee, went home to his empty apartment, and slept. He tried his best not to think about anything deeper than whether he wanted to wear his blue shirt or his green one. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew he was ignoring the big purple elephant in his world, but that was just how he dealt with issues.

He was still messing up. It was a vicious cycle- a self-fulfilling prophecy if he had ever seen one. He was so worried about making mistakes that he wasn't focusing on his work, which in return caused him to make careless errors. Thankfully, it had been a slow week, and so he was able to catch the majority of them before they were sent off. Still, it hadn't gone unnoticed.

He had been sitting at his computer, staring blankly at the words on the screen. He had been reviewing **The Incident** , as he had started calling it, trying to pinpoint his exact mistake every time it happened. Shaking his head, he realized that he needed to stop worrying about it. He glanced over at his empty mug and with a shrug decided that the walk to the break room would be a nice reprieve from the glare of his screen.

'How Garcia manages to spend all day staring at monitors and not go completely insane…' Spencer thought as he walked back to his desk. He sipped his coffee, enjoying the warmth that it spread through him. He smiled- he was beginning to see the light at the end of his seemingly never-ending tunnel. His good mood was shattered, however, when he sat back down at his computer. A bright yellow post-it note was stuck to his dark screen.

_I want to speak to you._

_-Gideon_

The note was simple, painfully so. What could his superior want to talk to him about that he couldn't give him a little more information about? Notes in the BAU were usually half a page long, and they very rarely needed to actually _talk_ with you.

XxXxXxX

Jason was worried. It seemed like he had been a lot lately, but it was difficult not to. All week long Spencer had been drifting further and further away. He knew he was still antagonizing over the last case. His reports had come in earlier, and while they had been technically correct, they had also been riddled with self criticism. He had edited the papers quickly before committing them to the records, which had put him behind as well.

Sighing, Jason realized he had been staring at the last sentence on the screen for a at least five minutes and still had no idea what it meant. Spencer wasn't the only worry on his mind, Jason acknowledged as he opened up a new webpage.

He rarely thought of Brendon, but when he did it never boded well for his stress levels. The boy's birthday was getting closer, and no matter how hard he tried Jason couldn't get the boy out of his mind. He found his customary invitation with ease and skimmed through it without reading. He was about to refuse when he realized the solution to his current crises was reveling itself.

_Jason,_

_Brendon wants a party at the Center this year. He asked me to invite you. It will start this Saturday around noon. Hope to see you there. Feel free to bring a guest._

_Ryan_

_P.S. He misses you._

He hadn't seen Brendon in two years and after their rela-, arrangement had ended he had turned his back on the entire lifestyle. He clicked on the small box marked reply as he tried to decide whether or not he had missed it. He decided he was ready to give it another shot, that is if Spencer was willing.

XxXxXxX

Spencer stood in front of Gideon's closed office door. It wasn't that he was too nervous to open it, it was just that his mind and thoughts had been all over the place lately and… Sighing at his own idiocy, he knocked gently and waited patiently. The door opened soon, and Spencer waited until his superior was seated back behind his desk before speaking.

"Gideon, about my reports…." he began feebly, fidgeting in the chair.

"This has nothing to do with your reports," Jason corrected quickly. He knew Spencer was nervous, and it hurt him. The boy hadn't been tense around him since he had been working alongside him.

Spencer felt his nerves settle, and his head tilted slightly with his usual curiosity. "What did you need to see me about, then?"

Now it was Jason's turn to be unsure; he realized how ridiculous his next question would probably sound, but he had already started talking, "I've been invited to a … party- and I can bring a guest."

Spencer stared blankly at the older man, waiting for the part of the conversation that would make sense.

"I was wondering if you wanted to go with me?" Jason explained hastily, realizing that even though Spencer was a certified genius he was still a little clueless.

"Oh." The aforementioned genius flushed faintly and stared down into his lap. A million excuses and polite refusals swarmed his brain at once, and somewhere between thinking that he was no fun at parties and that Gideon was his boss, Spencer heard himself ask, "When is it?"

Gideon supplied the exact date and time quickly as if he were worried that Spencer would retract his acceptance. A small smile lifted the corners of Spencer's mouth when he heard that the older man would pick him up at his apartment. He hesitated before asking if there was anything else he needed to talk about. At the distant head shake, Spencer's smile dropped and silently he left his mentor's office.

 

* * *

Anyone else love p!atd? I decided that in my world that Ryan never left. It's nicer that way...


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't die... I honestly just had so much stuff going on. I moved and then other crap happened but I'm back and I will write this damn thing. I promise... Just stick with me...

 

* * *

 

Spencer stared at the small alarm clock beside his bed, willing it to go off so he could get up. It was early Saturday morning- 9:55 to be exact. Five more long minutes… He knew that realistically speaking he could get up whenever he wanted, but getting up early seemed a little desperate, even for him. "Although," he thought, snuggling down into his downy-soft maroon comforter, "it's not like I'm desperate, I'm just…excited."

He had had dates before, just none that he had actually looked foreword to. It helped that his date was Gideon, since he harbored no small crush on the older profiler. Spencer frowned slightly at his thoughts. There he went-drifting off into a fantasy realm. "Not a date…not a date….not a date…." he muttered irritably to himself. He had turned the short sentence into his mantra since last Thursday, as it was the only way he could stay sane.

Glancing back at his clock, Spencer saw that he had managed to think through exactly four minutes. He counted down the seconds in his head, and at ten o' clock on the dot, he jumped out of bed. He showered quickly, taking care to scrub the excess dried gel from his hair. Afterwards, he stood in front of his closet biting his lip in mild irritation.

The towel he had loosely wrapped around his waist slipped lower, and Spencer took a second to appreciate the fact that he lived alone. He contemplated letting the towel hit the carpeting, but walking around naked -even in his own apartment- wasn't really his style. Spencer refocused his ever-drifting mind and stared back at the pitiful contents of his closet. He realized he had little to no casual clothing; he had five pairs of corduroys, three pairs of khakis, and around thirteen sweater vests. Normally, it didn't really matter, he only really went to work, the supermarket and the library but today he wanted to look a little different. Finally, after searching through his dismal wardrobe, he found a pair of dark wash jeans, and when he paired it with a plain white shirt he figured he looked ... presentable.

He walked across his bedroom- back to the bathroom. He brushed furiously at his hair, hoping against reality that for once his short locks would stay neat without him using tons of gel. He applied a bit to keep the edges from curling up but mostly just brushed it down. After fastening his watch on, Spencer decided he was done. Completely dressed, he left his room and headed toward his kitchen. When he checked his watch he realized it had only take him about forty-five minutes to get ready. He sighed in resignation; he was never gonna make it until noon.

 

XxXxXxX

 

Jason stared down into the black depths of his white coffee mug and stirred in a spoonful of sugar slowly. He took care not to think about anything except stirring in a precise counter-clock wise movement. He refused to worry. It was Saturday, and he was determined to enjoy it. His house creaked and groaned as if to say that if he wasn't going to worry the house would do it for him. He stared at his watch; he had already decided to leave at about eleven thirty. That would give him time to grab a present and pick up Spencer. Sipping at his still bitter breakfast, Jason wondered if Spencer had eaten anything. Then he wondered what the hell he thought he was doing. He knew he had to be crazy to drop Spencer headfirst into a lifestyle that he himself had abandoned. He also knew he had no real reason to inject his young co-worker into this section of his life, but he didn't think he was imaging things when he felt something more.

Spencer was young- maybe even a bit naïve- but contrary to popular belief, the boy wasn't completely oblivious to the outside world. He felt his thoughts drift, and he again wondered if Spencer had eaten. He checked his watch for a second time and realized that if he hurried he could take him somewhere. It was a little presumptuous, but he would do like he always did in situations where he was unsure. He'd just go with his instincts and pray for the best. He stood and quickly poured his coffee down the sink drain. He checked his face in the hall mirror, grabbed his jacket and the keys to his car. Locking the door behind him, Jason just barely realized that he was again following his instincts again and right now his instincts told him he was going to breakfast.

 

XxXxXxX

 

Spencer turned on his computer, smiling at the thought that occurred every time he booted it up. He was a certified genius, and working at the BAU meant he wasn't exactly poor- though obviously not rich-and yet he still hadn't gotten himself a new computer. The one time Garcia came to his house she had threatened to put the poor machine out of its misery. He didn't use it much, and so to waste an insane amount money on a computer seemed stupid to him.

'I really only use one site' he thought as he kept clicking, knocking down pop-ups and update messages. He had been too nervous to eat, so he figured he could use the time he had before Gideon showed up to the best of his ability. When his desktop was finally clear he pulled up the internet and logged on to Guardian Island. He checked his message box, not surprised to find it empty. He wasn't a major player in the age play scene so he rarely got messages. He checked his personal ad, again not surprised when he found it untouched. He sighed in mild irritation. If he had to say about eighty percent were girls and of the guys only about five percent were "little". Most of the guardians said they wanted a girl, or if they did want a boy, they wanted someone who was in diapers and dresses most of the time, and that wasn't his style. He sighed again and shut down his computer.

The doorbell rang sharply, startling him out his pity-party and jolting him into action. He immediately thought it was Gideon, but when he checked his watch it was only eleven. He hurried to the door, running his fingers over his hair self-consciously. He opened the door, and when he saw that it was indeed Gideon, all the casually witty things he had been planning to say fled from his mind. He just looked at him, wishing he could say…anything.

Gideon stared back at him, waiting for him to speak. Seconds before the silence got really awkward, Gideon finally said something. "Hey." The simple greeting broke the silence, and Spencer's nerves calmed quickly enough for him to respond. This was still Gideon, the only person who seemed to understand him.

"Hey, come in." His eyes were still looking everywhere but Gideon's eyes. He didn't know why but even though he knew him, the setting was enough to throw him. Gideon looked around slowly, assessing Spencer's apartment carefully. Spencer wasn't sure why, but he cared what he thought. He pleased but not really surprised when he saw Gideon nod in approval. It helped to loosen his still tied tongue.

"So-" "I-" They had actually spoken at the same time, Spencer thought mentally shaking his head. Gideon smiled ruefully, and after a second of silence, he spoke.

"What are we doing? I was going to ask if you had eaten." He paused for an answer, and when Spencer shook his head no, he continued.

"Then I was going to ask you to breakfast." He waited for an answer patiently.

"Sure, breakfast sounds… sure" His voice had raised slightly in pitch and he bit his tongue, cursing his nervous habits. He had already decided this wasn't a date and know Gideon was inviting him to breakfast.

"Gid-" Spencer began. "Call me Jason today." He corrected quickly. He usually preferred his last name but today he wanted to get rid of the work related authority his name encouraged. Spencer started again,

"Jason, I… " He trailed off, deciding that his next question wasn't important. He was just gonna go with it. Grabbing his keys he walked past Jason and out into the hallway. He smiled back at Jason, who was still standing just inside the doorway.

"You coming?" With a nod and a small smile, Jason was followed him out the door and into the elevator.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end seemed a little rushed to me but I'm satisfied with it. Also does anybody like/hate the formatting i'm using. Just wanted some feedback on that..


	4. Chapter 4

  
  Jason stared down at the laminated Waffle House menu indecisively. He usually detested chain restaurants, but he always made an exception for this place. Spencer and himself had finally rid themselves of the horrible awkwardness that had been plaguing them and were back to their normal ways.

'Or at least we would be' Jason thought, 'if the boy would just talk to me.'

Spencer had said exactly sixteen words since leaving his apartment and only four of them had been relevant to the day. He had asked where they were going to eat, and he had responded then by merely nodding his head and slouching down into the passenger seat while staring at his hands. Jason had ignored it at the time, but now it was getting annoying.

"Spencer." He waited for the younger man to make eye contact before he continued. "You've known me for over three years now. Talk to me."

Golden brown eyes darted around the mostly empty room before Spencer finally just sighed and confessed.

"It's just that…I have no idea what we're doing, no clue as to where we're going, and… I just really don't want to read too much into today." He trailed off into an obviously tense silence.

Jason took a second to reexamine his actions of the last few days, and with a rueful smile he saw just how confusing and evasive he had been. He knew how much Spencer hated not knowing things. It was enough to drive him crazy.

Spencer sipped nervously at his coffee while he waited for Jason's reply. He had laid almost all of his cards on the table. In response, he was rewarded with silence. After a full minute of no one talking, just as Spencer was about to brush his words off as silliness, Jason spoke.

"Spencer, I'm… sorry. I wasn't thinking. What do you want to know?"

"What is this?" He gestured to the two of them and then the restaurant all together. "I mean, is this just breakfast…or more?" Spencer glanced away; he had always been able to tell when someone lied. Their eyes gave them away, and for once he wanted to just believe what was said.

"Right now, just breakfast. If after the rest of the day- if you want it to be more-then maybe we can try again."

The younger agent nodded, not exactly loving Jason's answer but accepting it as honesty nonetheless. He forced his eyes back to the man and attempted a smile. "We should probably order something."

Jason started to say something but seemed to change his mind just as quickly. He had already waved the waitress over when he realized he wasn't actually hungry. His stomach felt knotted and knew if he ate anything it would just make him feel worse.

He still placed an order for Spencer and, finding the lightest thing on the menu, himself. The conversation flowed though, as they didn't

delve past the surface this time. Spencer talked about the last book he had read- Jason about how he had added a new bird to his photo collection. The older man had asked how his mother was at which Spencer had just shrugged. She wasn't doing better, but she hadn't gotten worse. They left the topic as quickly as it had been brought up.

XxXxXxX

The drive to the party was mostly silent, Spencer was willing to speak now but they didn't have anything left to say. Talking about trivial things was more difficult than they had originally thought. Neither had eaten much but after about ten minutes of picking at their respective plates they had both pretended to be stuffed. Jason, having invited Spencer in the first place offered to pay, but he had been politely refused.

Now Spencer was sitting beside him again, staring out the window. He held back a sigh and turned on the radio, hoping that the music would help soften the silence. It didn't but it did give him something to think about. Other the thoughts that were still reverberating around his head. He was insane; years and years of peering into the thoughts of criminal's had finally driven him to insanity. It was the only reason that he would think bringing Spencer to an age play party made sense.

Jason had spent the last three days convincing himself that this would be a good thing for the younger man. He hadn't let the idea that he was being selfish even cross his mind during the day time. But at night, alone in his bed the thoughts had attacked him with vengeance. He had called himself stupid, a pseudo pedophile, anything and everything he could think of to deter himself and still he had shown up that morning. It was pathetic.

Spencer stared out the window, his considerable mind was racing. He knew the buildings flying by. It was a predominately residential area, with short well clipped lawns. The streets, although he had last traveled them on foot, were as familiar as ever. The Center was right down the next block, as they drove further and further down the street, he wondered idly if they would pass by the townhouse. It was a beautiful brick building, he was ashamed to admit, even to himself, that he had no idea when it was built or by whom, but that was part of its magic for him. At the Center he wasn't a genius, he wasn't a profiler he was just…Spencer.

They got closer to the house, close enough now that Spencer could see that there were cars parked directly in front, and there was still space in the whitewashed driveway for at least one more car. Jason slowed down and carefully maneuvered his car into the space. He made sure he was in the spot perfectly before shutting off the engine. He appeared to be bracing himself for an explosion of sorts. Spencer was trying not to have an anxiety attack. He focused his breathing, trying not to alert Jason to the fact that he was about to hyperventilate. This was his sanctuary-his own personal retreat. What the hell was Jason doing? How did he know about this place? Spencer wondered if the party was taking place here. He knew for a fact that they didn't rent the place out. He unfastened his seatbelt slowly, taking care to appear as natural as possible.

"You okay?" Jason voice sounded unnaturally loud yet distant at the same time.

He was vaguely aware that he had mumbled something in return, though he had no idea what it had been. He took a final deep breath and decided to play the situation as cool as possible. He tucked a strand of his hair behind his ear and opened the car door.

Jason stood stock still at the door, the wrapped gifts pressed uncomfortably into his side. He was usually happy to be here; it was a fun place with a friendly, almost family-like atmosphere. He already knew why he was tense, so he didn't bother trying to analyze it. He promised himself that if today blew up in his face he was done. He would take a weekend off, drive up to the cabin, read a book, take a long walk, fish…anything he wanted. It was enough to get him out of the car, at least.

He turned to Spencer calmly and said, "Things may be a bit… _different_ than what you're used to, but if you keep an open mind…I'm sure you'll enjoy yourself." He waited for a response as he turned and rang the bell.

Almost immediately after, a voice called from behind the door. "The kingdom where nobody dies?"

"Childhood." Jason responded loudly. Spencer had mumbled the word under his breath, unable to keep quiet.

The heavy red door swung open, a thin guy standing as he opened it. He was short and dressed simply in a t-shirt and skinny jeans. His dark brown hair was shaggy and hung down into his eyes, but his smile was open and obviously welcoming.

"Hi, Jason. Brendon's already opened most of his presents, but he'll be thrilled that there's still more to come. He's been asking for you all morning."

Ryan's head turned, and a slight breeze caught his hair, ruffling it up. His eyes had been carefully lined in black, and he was probably wearing mascara. It look should have made him appear feminine, but somehow he managed to pull it off. He smiled up at Spencer, recognizing him instantly "Hey, stranger. Where have you been?"

Jason's sharp intake of breath was almost unnoticeable, but Spencer had already been listening for it. Ryan chattered away happily, not realizing that the duo was paying him absolutely no attention. He ushered them in finally, and only then did he notice their corresponding frowns.

"What's up with you two?" He asked, keeping his tone light as he regarded them carefully.

Spencer and Jason just continued to stare at each other, both asking silent questions that they were both to afraid to have answered.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooo...what happens next? I know but you don't... mwahahahahahaha!


	5. Chapter Five

"Look guys, whatever it is," Ryan began, looking at each in turn, "deal with it later. Bren's been waiting for you Jason, and you're not going to make him unhappy-not today." He gave them each a look of warning before he turned and walked away.

Spencer let his eyes wander around the familiar entrance hall, tracing the muted red brick walls and the hand-drawn pictures taped sporadically on them. He stared at the carpeting for a while, noticing how it was a soft off-white color. The whole area was pretty much a neutral. He looked at the coats lined up against on the wall before sighing softly before he finally turned back to Gideon.

He was met with a volley of questions, the most important ones being, "how long have you been going here, and how did you find this place?" Spencer ignored the one about if he wanted to leave. He was already here and to leave now would just be stupid.

"I've been coming here for about two years now, and I found out about it online." He hung up his coat and smiled softly at Jason "You?" He sounded almost hopeful. He didn't think he'd get an answer, but he felt it was worth asking.

"I've been coming on and off for the past twenty years. I haven't been in about a year though. " Spencer frowned- he wasn't sure what but something about Jason's statement was off. He let his mind float over everything he knew about the Center. Before he had ever gone to the actual building he had scoured the websites. Getting whatever information he could find, he had stopped his search shortly after his first visit. It was then when he realized the place was the real deal and not some cash scam or weird sex club. After a moment of thinking he realized what was wrong.

"But the Center has only been here for sixteen years." He didn't sound accusatory, just curious.

"Officially."

Spencer didn't have a response for this, so he simply stopped talking. His coat was put up, and he could hear laughing in the next room. He chanced a glance over to his mentor as he wondered if Jason had anything else he wanted to talk about.

"We can talk more later, if you want to," Jason said just moments later.

Spencer swore the man could read minds. He nodded- he was nervous but not overly so. He had been thinking, as usual, and the bottom line was that if Jason knew about this place, then he knew about the lifestyle, and if he already knew about it than the strangest part of his life was already in the open. He decided to just go with it; he realized he had been doing that a lot. At least with Jason.

 

XxXxXx

Spencer couldn't let go. He hadn't been this tense since the first time he had started coming. He was sitting in a folding chair, watching the crowd and, god help him, profiling them. He didn't want to do this, but his brain wouldn't shut down- it just couldn't. He was ready to scream.

"You okay?" Jason was standing behind him while leaning over the back of chair to be heard over the din of about twenty people all talking and laughing.

"Not really," he mumbled honestly, watching the group not a little enviously. He glared up at Jason, "It's your fault, you know," he began, "you're ...messing it up." Jason came around the chair and crouched calmly in front of the younger man. He looked him over once, taking in the way he was sitting, defensive, with his arms folded across his chest. His eyes looked everywhere in the room except Jason's own, and he while he wasn't pouting yet, he was coming dangerously close to it. Jason's thoughts raced; he wasn't sure how best to react, so he decided to err on the side of caution and simply ask.

"How am I messing it up?" He kept his voice and gaze steady, trying his best to ignore the way his stomach was knotting. He was nervous, understandably so. He was treading on untouched ground in the personal life of his subordinate, all while at an age play party. He'd have to be insane not to be a little nervous.

"You... you just are." Spencer stated angrily. He felt a little dizzy; he hadn't been this mad a moment ago. Sure he had been frustrated, but now he was just angry and it was Jason's fault. He wasn't supposed to be there. Every time he tried to let go, Jason would catch his eye. He would think about the fact that he still had paperwork to finish and then would start profiling and categorizing. He couldn't shake work off and it was all Jason's fault.

Before he had a chance to think his words completely through Spencer realized he had started speaking.

"Fix it. You keep messing it up, so you should fix it." He started blushing; he hadn't intended to say all that. He bit his lip, irritated that he couldn't keep quiet. He stared off embarrassed as he took care not to make eye contact. Jason was confused. He knew what Spencer's problem was; he just wasn't sure how to fix it. He scanned the room for ideas. He knew that a misstep right now would be a disaster. Too little and he wouldn't make an impact, too much and he'd over balance the situation. He took a deep breath to stall for time. He had an idea; he wasn't sure it would work but he had to try.

Spencer was desperate- his brain felt like it was arguing with itself. One side kept saying that he had work to do, that Gideon was just testing him, the other side that he was being stupid and that Jason wouldn't do that. That side also kept pointing out the fun other people were having. Brendon was flipping through his birthday cards with Ryan; both of them kept smiling and laughing. One of the guys he had spoken to at other functions was currently dressed up like a pirate and kept challenging the other party goers to fights with the fake plastic sword attached t his belt. He stopped people watching and stared down at his shoes, waiting for Jason to say something.

"Spencer," he started, standing up and reaching out a hand.

"Come on." Holding back a sigh, Spencer let himself be pulled up from his seat against the wall. He followed Jason across the room, keeping quiet until he stopped at a vacant card table. Jason pulled a nearby chair closer to the table and motioned for Spencer to sit down. Once he was seated Jason walked away without a word. Spencer twisted around curiously, trying to figure out what Jason was doing. Shortly the older man returned with a small, brightly colored, plastic box in his hands. Spencer blushed again when he realized what it was. Legos. Jason reached the table and opened the box. He carefully poured out all the whole box onto the chipped blue table. The colorful little bricks made clicking sounds as they fell; a few hit the floor, but Jason ignored them in favor of getting another folding chair. He sat down and immediately started fitting pieces together. He could feel Spencer eyes on him, but he resisted the temptation to look at the younger man. He almost sighed in relief when he heard Spencer pick up a handful of pieces and started building in earnest. As he listened to the almost rhythmic sounds of Spencer's Lego's he allowed himself a smile.

XxXxXx

A spaceship. Spencer was building a spaceship. He fumbled through the pieces of blue and red, searching a green one. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew exactly what he was doing, but for some reason he couldn't keep a firm grasp on that part of himself. He thought about it for a second and decided he didn't really want to. He stopped building for a second and looked over at Jason; he opened his mouth to ask a question but realized he didn't know what to say. He kept staring, hoping that Jason would get it.

"Did you finish your ship?" Jason asked, looking up from his own creation. He had most of a yellow house built and finished. It was very neat, almost boring. It looked nothing like the colorful mass of blocks Spencer had decided to call a spaceship. He looked around for a second before trying again to talk.

"Can I...Go play with someone else?" Spencer's speech pattern didn't really change much; it was just his voice- it sounded smaller, almost lighter. Jason hadn't expected that question; it stung a bit but he thought he masked it well.

"If you want to." He kept his tone light as well. If Spencer was ready to get up and socialize he wasn't going to stop him.

"Will you come with me?" The next question surprised Jason even more. He hated the feeling that he was playing something by ear. For all of his free-styling at work, he really preferred a plan in his personal life. He knew where he wanted this thing to go, but he wasn't sure if he'd ever actually get it there. He had maneuvered them into a situation where all he could do was react. He had only built the house to keep himself from staring at Spencer and possibly making him uncomfortable. He knew he had debated too belong with himself when he heard Spencer give a resigned sigh. He managed to find a smile, trying his best to soothe his nerves as well as the boy's feelings.

"Of course I'll go with you." Spencer didn't bother trying to hide his smile.


End file.
